I watch her toddle, grabbing the nearby coffee table for balance. Dressed in polka dots and tights, her outfit is almost as cute as she is. She looks up at me with big brown eyes and reaches for my hand.

Oh, I want one.

My husband claps for her and makes faces to see her smile. Our eyes meet. He’s thinking the same thing I am.

And that’s where it starts. The cycle. My contentment evaporates in the yearning for the blessings I believe God will give me. After all, God’s Word says children are a gift, right? I also remember reading something about having faith and anything we ask… So, if I believe enough, wait long enough, am faithful enough…God will gift us with a child and everything else I’m waiting on. We’ll live happily ever after.

Randy and I have had many conversations concerning children. In many ways, nothing has changed. One thing has changed, though. God has shown me, through my marriage, I don’t deserve the blessings He gives me.

For so many years, I longed for “the one.” I asked what was wrong with me that I hadn’t found him yet. And in the meantime, I found one mistake after another. I couldn’t see until after Randy came into my life I never deserved him. He’s a gift God has given me.

Gift. Meaning I didn’t do anything, or give anything, to earn him. I’ve forgotten that until now. A child is a gift. Undeserved. As is anything else God chooses to bestow.

Here I am, just moving on to the next thing on my list when I spent years praying for my husband. I amaze myself sometimes. Randy is a good man. He’s more than I ever dreamed of in so many ways.

It’s time to show him he’s enough. By enjoying our moments together now, in the moment, and by showing him my contentment with him and our life, I implicitly tell him I love him and our marriage. I can’t have my head always in the future or in what I want for us.

What’s more, it’s time to show my God’s enough.

Have you ever read the account of the Israelites’ time in the desert? The complaining has always gotten to me. God saves them from slavery. He provides for their every need. Yet they take every opportunity to grumble.

They were punished, too. Their grumblings showed lack of trust, hard-heartedness, and ungratefulness. They were never content.

I’m usually filled with a sense of scorn when reading those accounts, but I’m the same. Just like the Israelites when they accused Moses and Aaron of trying to kill them in the desert, I focus on what I don’t have. I lose sight from where I’ve come and all God has done.

The solution is here for me as it was for them so long ago. Either I believe Him or I don’t. Either I take Him at His Word, or I don’t.

Complaining only shows unbelief. Yes, there are plenty of references in Scripture to have faith and believe, but God isn’t a genie in a bottle. He isn’t going to grant my wish if I believe enough. I don’t hold the power here. I can’t make Him do anything.

The real question is do I trust Him even when I don’t get my way?

What about you? Do you find yourself getting caught up in the wants of your life? Feel free to share in the comments.

More reading…

• 10 Encouraging Verses for the Time in Between from HISsparrowBlog
• Infertility: A Different Kind of ‘Happily Ever After’ from HISsparrowBlog
• Finding Contentment in the Now from HISsparrowBlog