4 Things I’m Learning from My Happiness Missteps

Happiness is important to us all, but many times we’re not good at it. Today we’ll talk about why that is along with some things I’m learning from my own happiness mistakes.

One of the most quoted verses in the Bible is Philippians 4:11 where Paul boasts of his contentment in all situations. It’s a bold statement; I’m not surprised it gets quoted so much, but I can’t help but wonder how many people could boast the same.

Cause let’s face it, there’s a whole lot I’m not happy about.

I mean, really? When I’m treated unfairly? When loved ones die? Or when circumstances haven’t changed in ten years?

The word everything stands out to me every time I read that verse. And then I think about the man who said it. Knowing Paul, I’m sure he meant every situation when he said “in everything” because that’s just how he rolled. He was a say-what-you-mean-and-mean-what-you-say kind of guy.

But how’d he do it? What secret did he know?

I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. Philippians 4:11 NASB

Paul’s “Secret”

Before writing this post, I searched the term happiness to see what came up. There are a lot of unhappy people in this world searching for some way—any way—to be happy. But I didn’t really need a search engine to tell me that. You don’t have to look far to see the world is full of people looking to fill the hole inside.

And I think that’s what Paul’s secret was: He wasn’t talking about “happiness.” It’s always easy for me to forget when reading about Paul’s contentment that that’s what it is—contentment. He’s not talking about being happy in the sense that he never got mad, sad, or discouraged.

I know he got discouraged sitting in prison for years—waiting for a letter or a visitor. Things probably seemed pretty bad when he was beaten for the third time, stoned, or shipwrecked again, and he seemed pre-tay angry to me in his letter to the Galatians when they strayed from the Truth he’d taught them.

But no matter the situation, Paul remembered God was in control and trusted Him to work in his hardest times. Above all, he remembered Who he was fighting for. Maybe it isn’t really a secret at all—just a matter of losing focus of the standard: contentment, not happiness.

Learning from My Happiness Missteps

#1 – Stop Focusing on circumstances.

I’ve gotten a reputation of being low-key. Things rarely rattle me—at least to the casual observer.

My husband told me one day recently that I was one of those people who make him wonder what my sin issue is. I must say I was extremely pleased to hear that from someone who knows me so well. I mean really!? But I was a little taken aback. And by little I mean a lot.

I struggle with the same things everyone else does. Like focusing on circumstances—both on those I’m waiting on and those I wish didn’t happen—rather than on God.

I don’t vocalize my thoughts as much, but living situations, financial freedom, additions to the family, and getting a vacation become much bigger and more important to me. The more I focus on them, the more frustrated I get and the less I’m trusting God to work things in His best timing. Just like everyone else.

My Fix

Getting back to my optimist roots, I want to redirect my focus to the right circumstances and see them for what they are. Many things in life are blessings instead of the problems we try to make them. Like when the house needs repairs or the car needs tires: it’s a blessing to have a house and car to maintain.

#2 – Don’t Focus on the opinions of other people.

Criticism from others can be damaging to a people-pleaser’s self-esteem. Even things not intended to be criticism or even vocalized. As much as I want to be confident, one comment that I perceive as critical can set me back to a place of self-doubt or even anger.

Somehow, I get the idea that everyone should agree with me and think the same as I do. When they don’t, it surprises and rattles me.

My Fix

I forget sometimes that I know who I am because I know Whose I am. Through Jesus I am accepted, believed, cherished, and always growing more. It only matters what He says and thinks about me in the grand scheme of things, so I should always run the words of other people by Him. I do need to be open to constructive criticism from those who love me, but it should always be filtered through Jesus and should never affect my identity.

#3 – Stop Focusing on the actions of other people.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could control what others do? You know…when it really counts—like when they’re mean to someone you love, or you see a big mistake coming. It’s easy to think everything would be okay—or at least better—if that person or this person would just do this or stop doing that.

My Fix

But you and I both know control wouldn’t solve anything because first, I’d create a new problem as I surrounded myself with robots, and second, because I’m not God. I am not the master of time, creation, or anyone else with very good reason. I’m an awful judge of the intentions and “shoulds” of others. Each person has his or her own walk with God independent of my opinion.

#4 – Don’t Focus on the happiness of others.

I’m awful at this. I’m a people-pleaser with the desire to be an encouragement. Put the two together and sometimes I get a little carried away.

My Fix

It’s great to love others and care when someone I love hurts. Paul even told the Romans that we should rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15). But that shouldn’t affect my contentment, and sometimes I have to remember the Potter is the best judge and molder of the clay.

My happiness will always be delicate if I follow its pursuit, but remembering who God is and who I am in Him will bring the kind of contentment Paul talked about.

Do you struggle with delicate happiness? What mistakes and progress are you making? Share in the comments below.

*** This post was revised from the archives. Check out the original here. ***