Are you the type of person who’s always gotten along well with others? Me, too. But I’ve realized that’s because I’m a people-pleaser. Today we’ll talk about what’s wrong with that—plus a few things the people-pleaser should remember. 

I get along with everyone. I’ve said this many times—taken great pride in it, in fact. I’m pretty sure I’ve even said it here on HISsparrowBlog. 

Although I have found a few people in recent years I don’t jive as well with, I’ve now come to realize that I get along well with people because I’m a people-pleaser.  

I came to the faith at a pretty young age. For a long time, I thought I was solely motivated to live a godly life—just as Jesus said that those who love Him would follow His commands. 

Love God and love others. 

But I’ve learned that, while I do want to live a life pleasing to God, sometimes my strongest motivation is in pleasing others. 

What’s the Problem with Pleasing People Anyway? 

At one time in my life, I might have asked this question myself. After all, the Bible instructs us to live at peace with others as best we can, right? 

It does (Romans 12:18), but… 

People-pleasing comes with more negatives than I initially realized. 

People-pleasing leads to: 

• Poor boundaries
• Idolizing the opinions of others
• Dishonesty
• False assumptions of others
• Being too timid and not loving others with the truth
• Finding identity in being liked
• Flattering others instead of encouraging them
• Deep insecurity
• Low self-worth

What the People-Pleaser Should Remember

So where do we draw the line between living at peace with others and people-pleasing?

#1 – If everyone likes you, you may not be doing it right.

A pastor friend said this once, and it’s stuck with me. 

While I’ve prided myself on the ability to have conflict-free relationships (and we’ll just leave the whole pride issue for another time), the truth is maybe I’ve been doing it wrong all this time.  

Scripture is clear that to follow Jesus with your whole heart will not put you in alignment with most of the world. People will misunderstand and even hate you sometimes solely because of the Holy Spirit and your different, all-in life. 

#2 – Seeking to please others isn’t loving them. 

It’s entirely possible that in all of my everyone-likes-me years, I wasn’t telling the truth to those who needed to hear it. 

Sometimes the truth is hard to say and hard to hear, but the loving person says it anyway. 

#3 – Remember Whose you are. 

God is the only one we should seek to please. Living a life honoring to God will result in also treating others the way they should be treated. It’s a natural extension. 

Love God with all your might and soul and the second commandment will naturally follow.

#4 – Identify and own the behavior.

Understanding now that perhaps I was not always walking out my faith as much as I thought I was is difficult. It brings many questions about my motivation and judgment. How can I know that I am currently doing what I should? 

However, we must constantly and ruthlessly hunt our weaknesses. Part of the Christian walk is always seeking more of Jesus and therefore our own growth.  

#5 – Pray for help. 

The growth we need can’t come on our own. We need the Holy Spirit to help us find the weak spots and correct them. 

Hopefully no one will ever hear me say “Everyone likes me” again. I’ve learned that is not necessarily a good thing. People may not like me as much if I’m living a life for Jesus, but I can rest in the truth that if I seek to please God, authentic love for others will follow. 

Are you a people-pleaser? What helps you? Be sure to share in the comments below.

More reading…

• An Open Letter to Burnt Out People-Pleasers by Valerie Riese at Candidly Christian
• 5 Signs You May Be a People-Pleaser {+ 6 Verses to Remember} from HISsparrowBlog
• Identity in Christ: My Name Is… from HISsparrowBlog

I frequently link up with the following: Grace & Truth with Embracing the Unexpected, Tell His Story with Jeanne Takenaka, and Let’s Have Coffee with Joanne Viola.