As part of my personal growth this year, I’m working on bad habits I want to break. You can check out the intro to this series here. The first habit I want to cover in more depth is dealing with guilt.

Since I was a child, feelings of guilt have been constant. I’m not sure why, but I’d feel guilty for anything from whacking my brother in the head to staying the night away from home to the decisions others made around me.

Now I’m sure guilt was warranted for hitting my brother, but I’ve recognized all my life that it isn’t healthy to feel guilty over everything. And even in those situations when it makes sense, I haven’t dealt with it in a healthy way.

It’s taken me over 30 years, but I think I’ve finally found a healthy way to deal. Before I get to that, though, I want to talk about a few other things.

What’s the Big Deal?

If you’ve been around HISsparrowBlog long at all, you know I’m all about finding identity through understanding who we are in Christ. I sure hope you know that anyway. I have some work to do if you don’t.

Anyway, I think one of the biggest enemies to our identity is guilt for at least a couple of reasons:

• The standard always changes.
• It leads to inaction.

Changing Standard

I’ve noticed that guilt is a horrible standard by which to measure my worth, my productivity, my choices, and just about anything because it’s like running a race with a 100-pound weight tied to my back with a finish line that moves every time I approach it.

Let’s take a simple chore as an example—mopping the floor. The finish line is mopping weekly. When I cross that one pumping my arms, suddenly the finish line is scrubbing all the edges and corners in the house by hand. If I even got to that one, it’d move, too. I’d probably feel guilty that I was spending too much time on the floors and not something more important like my blog or reading my Bible.

Since that subject came up, reading my Bible is undoubtedly something that should be done in love. But somehow I’m running another endless race when guilt is involved. Reading a chapter a night becomes two chapters then I have to be sure to do that in the morning. Now add an in-depth word study. And on and on.

Always changing. Always feeling guilty.

And unfortunately, these thought processes are real ones I’ve had—not in the distant past either. No matter how well I do something, it’s never good enough when guilt is the guideline.

Inaction

And that leads me to do less or nothing at all. An impossible-to-beat standard is completely pointless, and I realize that, but usually that leads me to do the opposite of what I should be doing—cheerfully “doing” for the Lord.

Guilt versus Conviction

I’m sure I heard or read this somewhere, but I can’t remember where. I’ve come to agree with it wherever I picked it up: there is a difference between guilt and conviction.

Now there are several great definitions by more studied and mature Christians than me. I’m not presenting this as an authority on the subject. This is just a way that makes sense and helps me.

Since that awful day in the garden when Adam and Eve brought the guilt of disobedience upon us all, we’re all guilty. We’re guilty of sinning against the laws of God. We lie, cheat, steal, and neglect God’s love for us daily.

Guilt is a real thing. Don’t think this is one of those you’re-great-and-have-no-reason-to-feel-guilty posts.

But guilt only applies to us all until we accept Jesus as Savior. Guilt has no place in our lives. It’s a lie for the believer because the sinless, spotless, guiltless blood of Jesus covers us—freeing us from sins from the past, the present, and the future.

Yes, even those sins we will commit have been forgiven. A believer’s life is less about guilt for sins committed and more about producing the fruit that serves as an example to unbelievers.

We will be convicted of our sins, so we can produce more of the good fruit of the spirit—gentleness, joy, peace… (Galatians 5:22-23)

Guilt causes us to leave a lot less fruit.

How I’m Dealing with Guilt Now

A simple system of questions and statements has made a world of difference for me:

Step #1: Acknowledgement

I can’t tell you how many times I react and don’t even know why, but as they say, you can’t fix something until you admit there’s a problem. I’ve been learning to notice when I’m dragging feelings of guilt along with me, so I can do something about it.

Step #2: Who God Is and What He’s Done

Oh, boy. This one’s always been a doozy for me. The feeling of guilt has a way of conjuring an image of God in my mind that couldn’t be more wrong. I picture a god just waiting for the chance to smack me in the head, like a Gibbs-slap, for my every wrong.

But that’s not the God I serve.

I’m not what I’ve done. I am a child of God.

Yes, I serve a just God, but He’s also compassionate and forgiving, and always ready to wrap His arms around me. He’s not waiting for my entrance into heaven to tell me all I did wrong.

He’s waiting to tell me in person what He’s already told me here with the death of His Son: I love you, and you are redeemed because I made a way for you.

Step #3: Past Wrongs

I ask myself if the feelings of guilt are for a mistake I made in the past. This has been a big problem for me, so many times it is.

I ask myself these questions:

• Can I do anything about it now?
• Have I confessed and repented of the wrong?

Usually, there’s nothing I can do about a past wrong other than going back in time, which would be nice. But since that’s not an option, I have to make myself let go of what I can do nothing about now.

However, there are some situations where I can do something now. If I hurt someone else, I need to ask for that person’s forgiveness and may need to make restitution depending on the situation.

Next, I make sure I’ve confessed the wrong. Although we’ve been forgiven the wrong as believers, we still shouldn’t continue in it, and that’s one of the reasons confession and repentance are important.

Step #4: Current Issues

Then I ask myself if I’m feeling guilty over a current issue, and if I am, then I ask myself this question: Is it scripturally wrong?

That’s really the only question I have to ask myself for this one because that determines whether I’m feeling guilty over something not “silly” but kind-of silly like mopping my floors. I don’t think the Bible condemns missing a week of mopping, but I could be wrong.

But if I’ve been snapping at others, I know I’m not loving others as I’m commanded, and I know conviction is nudging me to correct the wrong.

Step #5: Whose I Am

The last thing I like to do is remind myself of Whose I am, and finish with my eyes on God. I’ve been bought with a heavy price—one that speaks of great love with no room for condemnation.

If God doesn’t condemn me now, there’s no reason for me to.

The Biggest Difference I’ve Noticed

I notice a big difference when I practice these things.

I’m not weighed down anymore. The should-be’s fade and leave me with the want-to’s.

I can run the good race just as Paul talks about in 2 Timothy because the finish line isn’t constantly changing. My finish line has nothing to do with guilt and everything to do with my relationship with God.

Things like reading my Bible is something I want to do, which is a much better heart condition than complying because of the have-to’s.

I pray that if you’re reading this today, you’ve surrendered your life to Christ. If that doesn’t describe you or you don’t really understand what that phrase means, please read this page.

For believers, I pray you haven’t dealt with the suffocating weight of guilt all your life, but I hope my guide helps you as much as it’s been helping me if you’re struggling, too.

What ways have you found to deal with guilt? Share in the comments.

Additional Resources

• 5 Bad Habits I Want to Break This Year from HISsparrowBlog
• 6 Steps to Shed False Guilt from HISsparrowBlog
• 60+ Names and Attributes of God & Jesus from HISsparrowBlog
• How to Repent: 5 Steps from The Gospel Coalition

Other Posts in the Bad Habits Series