Criticism can be difficult to handle for many of us. Today we’ll talk about a few reminders to help us receive it well next time.
If I made a list of all the things I’m not good at, receiving criticism would be at the top. Now I’m not sure why I would do that. It seems like a bad idea.
Anyway, no matter how much I tell myself I’ll do better next time, I struggle.
Recently, I attended my first writers’ conference, and one of the workshops was on using the Enneagram for fleshing out believable fictional characters.
If you’re not familiar with the Enneagram, it’s a personality typing system that groups personality into nine groups based on core motivation, core fears, and how the individual relates to others. Although an individual can exhibit traits of several types, usually one type is dominant.
I’d heard of the Enneagram before but hadn’t read much about it. The workshop was an hour long, so there wasn’t much time to cover more than the quick basics.
But when the speaker mentioned the basic fear of one of the types, it felt profound to me. It articulated how I’d felt all my life. It made me feel seen. It made me realize that not everyone felt the same as there are other types with different basic fears while also understanding that I’m not alone or broken.
Since the conference, I’ve begun researching the Enneagram both for improving my fiction writing and understanding myself better.
By understanding myself better, I can better handle my quirks—in a healthy way—so I can acknowledge them and grow without feeling inadequate.
Now I didn’t need the Enneagram to tell me that I don’t handle criticism well. I’ve known that most of my life, but it has helped me tremendously to understand why I respond the way I do.
Simple Reminders for Receiving Criticism Well
My personality type may be more prone to receiving criticism badly, but we’re not the only ones in the struggle.
So I’d like to share a few reminders that I’m telling myself. Maybe they can help you too.
#1 – Focus on a learning mindset.
My husband has inspired me on the necessity of continuous learning. For me, so often this is a paradoxical thought process. I know I’m never done learning while somehow still reverting to the mindset that one day, I will attain some sort of place of comfort without conflict.
Well, one day I will, but it won’t be here. In this body.
And what a blessing it is that we can continue to learn. How boring would it be if we reached a time when we knew everything? Never able to learn anything new and exciting.
Some things don’t seem as exciting when we learn them, especially when they come through criticism, but those things are still good. We are stronger for the learning.
#2 – I won’t do everything correctly.
Speaking of paradoxical thinking, this point falls into that category big time for me. But then this point could be related to the last one in some ways.
Because, while I sometimes feel that I don’t do anything right, I also feel that I try and analyze and just want to do everything just so. And, like I mentioned before, surely one day I will do everything correctly.
#3 – Think about who’s giving it.
It can be tempting to remind someone who’s doling out the criticism of the plank and the splinter, but especially if you know the person and they know you, sometimes it’s just easier to see things in others.
#4 – It isn’t personal.
Sometimes I need to just set the emotions aside for a minute and listen with the mindset that I’m not perfect, so there could be some validity to the criticism.
#5 – No matter how true, criticism doesn’t change my identity.
Even criticism that’s warranted doesn’t change who we are essentially. We are not inadequate, failures, or whatever else we can feel like if we don’t seem to “measure up.”
We are children of a creative God in a world that’s fallen, with bodies that are still prone to sin. Through Christ we are enough, valued, and loved just as we are.
#6 – Criticism can be healthy in relationships.
We never want to tear down others, and relationships where that happens need a closer look, but relationships can benefit from criticism. From honest and constructive criticism.
Otherwise, is the relationship genuine or strong?
#7 – Pray.
This point is listed last, not because of importance, but because at the end of the day, this is more than I can really handle on my own.
But God has promised to never leave me nor forsake us. He’s promised that nothing can remove us from His hand, even our mess-ups. And He can work through us to grow in so many ways.
Learning about personality has helped me so much in learning why I react the way I do to criticism, and hopefully I can continue to grow in this area with these reminders.
But then, I can also be comforted that learning is a blessing, even through criticism.
Do you take criticism well? What reminders encourage and help you? Let me know in the comments below.
More reading
- 5 Necessary Reminders for a Victim Mindset from HISsparrowBlog
- 4 Important Reminders for Overcoming Imposter Syndrome from HISsparrowBlog
- Dealing with Criticism: 7 Truths to Remember from HISsparrowBlog
I frequently link up with the following: Grace & Truth with Embracing the Unexpected, Tell His Story with Jeanne Takenaka, and Let’s Have Coffee with Joanne Viola.
Your only flaw is that you don’t realize how special you are. That’s not really a flaw. It adds to your beauty. You are a constant inspiration to me!
I don’t take criticism very well, either, and have found many of these tips to be helpful. Even if I think the other person isn’t justified in what they are saying, I try to remember to search for any kernel of truth in it.
Yes, that’s a great mentality, Barbara. Sometimes there is a little truth in what others say, even if the delivery is flawed. Thanks so much for commenting!
This will seem like critism and I don’t mean it that way at all. Just my own experience- I got sucked into the whole ennegram thing and wish I had not. A lesson well learned! What’s right for me may not be right for others, so I am only saying please delve into it more.
I appreciate your warning, Mary. The Enneagram, and anything like it, can definitley become a distraction and excuse for bad behavior. When used with care and the right focus, I think it can be helpful to better understand ourselves—why we react and feel the way we do—in order to improve, and I think it can help us to better understand those around us in order to love them better. Thank you so much for commenting!
I can’t think of anybody in my immediate circle that takes criticism well, including me. ha. It’s hard to do. But yes, it’s definitely something worth thinking about and growing in, so I appreciate you tackling it head-on. I’m curious now which enneagram type you resonated with! I relate most to type five.
That’s an excellent point, Lisa. Most people don’t take criticism well, so we’re definitely not alone, right? You know, five makes a lot of sense with your strength in reading so much nonfiction! I love it. My main number is a one, and I also have both of my wings (nine and two). It’s so interesting to see how those you know tick, don’t you think? Thanks so much for commenting!
I want to be a grown-up about criticism—especially when it’s offered constructively, but it does tend to send me into overthinking. I’m a 3, and very curious about your number, too!
I am the same way, Michele. Hopefully, this isn’t a bad thing to say, but honestly it’s a little comforting to me that someone I consider so wise and mature also struggles with the same thing I do. Three is a really interesting type! I’m a one (with wings nine and two). Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
Ashley, you gave us seven great thoughts to help us process criticism productively. I think constructive criticism that helps us grow is easier to handle than someone speaking to us with a critical spirit. The sharer is responsible for sharing their critique in a life-giving way just as much as we have a responsibility to receive their critique graciously.
That’s an excellent point. It is a two-way street, and we must remember when we’re the ones who must give critique to others. Thanks so much stopping by, Lisa!