We all know comparison is unhealthy, yet we all do it. Nothing else kills self-esteem quite like it. Read on for why this is and for a few encouraging reminders for the next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else.
Social media can be a wonderful thing, can’t it? The internet has made it possible to connect people in ways that no other generation has ever experienced. You can connect with that cousin on your mother’s side you haven’t seen since you were kids running around barefooted and getting yelled at for slamming the screen door. You can pray for that friend you haven’t seen since high school when she loses her husband way too soon.
But as with most things, there can be positives and negatives: The highlight reels of friends’ Facebook feeds can lead me right into the comparison trap—with all the perfect pictures of vacations, kids, new cars and houses, and success at work with a little I can’t believe she did that! mixed in.
Instead of being happy for them and for their accomplishments and blessings, it all becomes about me.
How Comparison Kills Self-Esteem
Comparison certainly isn’t anything new to our current age—just ask Abel—so we can’t blame social media. Since the first family to walk the earth, comparison has plagued us and led to less-than-desirable outcomes.
Now I’m not afraid of committing murder—at least not someone else—but each time I compare myself to someone else, I may as well be taking a cannon to my own self-esteem.
And here’s why:
- Comparison blinds us to our own blessings and value.
- Comparison discourages us.
- Or comparison can lead to feelings of superiority.
Reminders for Fighting Comparison
#1 – Another person’s accomplishments are like an iceberg for you.
There is always more we can’t see.
Yes, as you look at that CEO who’s your age, you don’t see that he’s dedicated his entire life to his success—never mind the family he ignored in the process. And as you look at the mama who has three children already—who makes it look so easy—you can’t see that she’s exhausted and secretly wonders if she can do it.
We all have different struggles and insecurities we don’t let others see—we’re quite good at hiding them.
#2 – You were created for a unique purpose.
Unique is the operative word here. No one has our particular sets of talents, strengths, and struggles to overcome, and the same is true of others.
There really is no comparison—it’s apples and oranges as they say.
#3 – The standard for which we should strive isn’t lateral.
Our standard is always vertical—right to the Savior of the world. It may seem impossible to meet, which it kinda is, but we will never reach our full potential by looking at other messed-up people.
And when Jesus asks us why we didn’t try to reach the least of these in heaven, the answer I did better than so and so won’t cut it.
Comparison is murder—to your self-esteem that is. Remember: We get snippets here and there of the good stuff in other people’s lives and never see their struggles. Each of us is made for a unique purpose—even you—so there is no comparison. Look up and not out.
What reminders help you with comparison? comment below.
Want some more reading? Check out these resources….
- How to Wreck Your Self Esteem: Compare Yourself with Others from Psychology Today
- 5 Necessary Reminders for a Victim Mindset from HISsparrowBlog
- 10 Effective Productivity Tips for Procrastination from HISsparrowBlog
- 4 Important Reminders for Overcoming Imposter Syndrome from HISsparrowBlog
I frequently link up with the following: Grace & Truth with Embracing the Unexpected, Tell His Story with Jeanne Takenaka, and Let’s Have Coffee with Joanne Viola.
Comparison sure takes the joy out of life. Even comparing ourselves to ourselves in another season of life can demotivate us. How much better to set our minds on things above!
I agree with comparing ourselves to ourselves—especially if you have a chronic illness. But everyone gets older and we just can’t do as much as we used to. Thanks so much for stopping in, Debbie!
Truth! It’s so easy for me to fall into the comparison trap without even realizing it. My comparisons usually sound like criticisms of others—and I feel so self righteous for not having actually compared them to me—but in reality, criticism is just comparison wearing a different coat.
Excellent point, Anita! “Criticism is just comparison wearing a different coat.” So true!
I’ll focus on #3 today. Will I meet that standard? Not in this life, but putting on a new self doesn’t happen if we’re looking at others struggling just like we are. Jesus is the standard. Thanks for the reminders.
Thank you for dropping in, Suzette!
I have heard about comparison killing our joy, but not our self-esteem. But of course it does! Love the point about the iceberg. We only see a tiny bit of the whole.
Thank you for your sweet comment today, Theresa!
This is so true! Comparison is a poison to our own well-being & also to our relationships. And really, as you say, we all have our own areas of brokenness beneath the tip of the iceberg.
So true, Helen!
Ashley, thank you for this great reminder, I can fall so easily into the comparison trap and feel like I’m not enough! I tend to start looking down on myself, so have definitely seen comparison destroy my self esteem!
I also tend to look down on myself. What a miserable way to live the life God called us to, right? Blessings to you!
Comparison causes us to measure ourselves up against a standard that often is not reality. You are so right in saying it chips away at our self-esteem and at times, causes us to hold back from doing the things we were called to do.
That’s a good point, Joanne: a standard that often isn’t reality. It’s always hard to meet unreasonable expectations. Thanks so much for stopping in!
Such a great reminder! Thank you for your Biblical post. This hit me: “And when Jesus asks us why we didn’t try to reach the least of these in heaven, the answer I did better than so and so won’t cut it.” Blessings!
Thanks for stopping in, Gwen!
Such an important reminder of the pit fall of the comparison trap. Love your reminder that we should be looking “up” not “out” – and that how we think we stack up to others is not important to the Lord!
Thank you!
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