We can be quick to remind others not to judge us yet fail to identify the same behavior in ourselves. Then our attempts to identify it in ourselves inevitably lead to questions about where to draw the line. Surely some judgments are necessary for a healthy life, right? How can we know the difference?
Judgment is a hot topic these days—and maybe it’s not all that new. However, for something with so many mentions, few of us really understand what judgment and discernment really are.
I may be the worst.
Anyone who’s been around children or teenagers knows they have a way of asking questions sometimes that can stop you unexpectedly. You attempt to answer what, at first, seems like a straightforward question only to realize you don’t have a great handle on it yourself.The topic of judgment has been one of those for me. My sweet step-children have brought up several examples lately that have made me stop.
Unfortunately, some of those times my reaction could have been better.
It’s a hard thing to acknowledge when you’re the judgy one.
As someone who’s grown up in the Christian culture, it may be even harder to understand this difference. Backward I know. Why am I not more equipped to understand the difference between judgment and discernment because of my faith?
I’m afraid the answer may be our propensity to a legalist faith. Our attempt to lead God-honoring lives can easily find us adhering to a set of rules for the sake of them. And if those rules are best for us, we figure they must be best, and followed by, everyone else—Christian or not. Then comes discomfort with the decisions and behaviors of others, because they aren’t doing what we know to be best.
Judgment Versus Discernment
Since that last conversation with my step-children, and after a lot of reflection and research, I’ve realized that I am judgmental. It’s hard to acknowledge, but forward is the only way to go. In my research and reflection, I’ve made a few distinctions between judgment and discernment that make sense to me and hopefully will help me in the future.
Maybe they’ll help you, too.
The Golden Rule in Judgment
Maybe I should call it the Golden Question instead, because, as you may have noticed, there is one question I can ask myself to know if I am judging another person unfairly:
Would I still be troubled if this person stopped the behavior?
Stopping a behavior won’t save anyone—in the spiritual sense, of course. As a Christian, the behavior should be last my consideration when a heart is at stake.
My Christian faith may make me a little more susceptible to judgment and a behavior-focused life, but then maybe it can also help me see past the fluff to the hurting heart that God loves.
Would you say you’re a judgey person? What helps you to understand the difference between judgment and discernment? Let me know in the comments below.
More Reading
- Judging Others Tells a Lot— About Us from Char Aukland at Whole Story Health Coaching
- Don’t Be Judgmental, Be Discerning from Psychology Today
- The Last Word from Pam Ecrement at A New Lens
- Christian Behavior: How Good Are We Really At These Simple Social Graces? from HISsparrowBlog
- 5 Insidious Lies I Won’t Believe Anymore from HISsparrowBlog
- 4 Dangerous Signs Legalism Has Poisoned Your Faith from HISsparrowBlog
I frequently link up with the following: Grace & Truth with Embracing the Unexpected, Tell His Story with Jeanne Takenaka, and Let’s Have Coffee with Joanne Viola.
I love your distinctions! I know I have to check myself not to be judgmental with the way other cultures handle situations differently than the typical North American (me). There is always a story behind the story behind the story, I like to say.
A story behind a story behind a story…that’s going to stick with me! Wonderful way to put it.
This very subject has been on my mind a lot lately! Thanks for showing us the distinctions between judgment and discernment. I’m sure I’ve crossed the line a few times and I want to get a grip on it.
It is such a thin line, right? Thanks for commenting!
Ashley, this certainly should give us something to pause and ponder. Discernment is making a distinction between right and wrong, which basically is a judgment. However we need to be careful in making a judgment as with it, often comes a condemnation. With discernment also comes the wisdom in how to guide a person towards right living without bringing condemnation upon them. It sure can get tricky. Like Lisa above, I’m sure I have crossed that line and I pray for the Lord to keep me in line.
So true, Joanne!
This is such a tricky topic, but you make some very good points here. Thank you!
Thank you, Patti!
Such an important topic to address. According to my kids they’d say I’m judgey – but honestly it is out of fear. I did not become a believer until my mid twenties and the darkness I lived in prior to is still very vivid and frightening. I want to stay away – and my kids to stay away – from anything that smacks of that! But I also know the Lord loves and welcomes all : )
It’s easy to be haunted by past mistakes and to allow them to color our view of others. I am amazed sometimes how my negative view of someone else has more to do with my own past or insecurities than it does with them. Thank you so much for stopping by, Susan. You might like to check out this post I did on past mistakes: 5 Simple Reminders for When You Can’t Forgive Yourself for Past Mistakes Thank you for your comment!
I always like to say learn to discern, the Holy Spirit helps with that. He can show you the truth but you don’t have to say everything. Sometimes, it is better to leave it alone. I do think people should be aware of why we believe what we do.
That’s a great point, Rebecca: you don’t always have to say what you know. Great reminder!
This is excellent and just what I needed to read and study…and will continue to ponder. I have been facing an issue where someone responded to my blog in a very judgmental way and I wanted to jump right back. BUT…I did not. Then she wrote back with a bit of a different take on her first read of the post. I still have not responded as I want to but with God at the helm. This is making me think about just how I can respond. I have not posted her remarks as I believe this is between the two of us rather than the world. Thank you so much for blessing me this day.
I am so glad you were encouraged! Praying for wisdom in your response!
Ashley, thank you for addessing a sticky subject! Good helps for determining the difference between judgement and discernment. I know I find myself too often on the wrong side of this debate! You have given me good food for thought and change!
Sticky subject indeed!